Course Description:
This seminar highlights what conscious co-parenting is and strategies on how to partner as co-parents in raising healthy and securely-attached children. It will provide an understanding of specific needs of co-parented children at every developmental stage, creating a co-parenting plan with your co-parent, managing resentments in co-parenting, and promoting effective communication strategies in co-parenting.
Learning Objectives
- Understand the challenges and strengths in co-parenting.
- Identify key developmental needs specific to co-parenting.
- Learn tools for creating a conscious co-parenting plan.
- Review strategies to manage resentments and increase communication in co-parenting.
Summary of the presentation:
With the divorce rate in America at over 50 percent, effective co-parenting continues to be more relevant than ever. Learn how to help your clients understand the challenges and strengths in co-parenting. This presentation will guide you in understanding the key developmental needs for children specific to co-parenting families, create an effective parenting plan for co-parents who want to be intentional in their parenting, and how to assist them to continue to foster a secure connection with their children. This seminar will also guide clinicians on how to work with clients needing practical and effective communication strategies to help reduce conflict and how to help them focus on partnering well in raising healthy children.
Bio
Dr. Jenna Flowers is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, and speaker. Dr. Flowers has been in private practice 2007 in Newport Beach focusing on parenting, individual and couples therapy. The Conscious Parent's Guide to Co-Parenting is her first book and was published by Adams Media in June 2016, which can be found on Amazon and Barnes & Noble for purchase. Since 2007 she has been teaching her curriculum called Conscious Mothering to Orange County parents who wish to develop their parenting skills and heal personal obstacles. She raises a family of three.
What is Conscious Co-parenting?
◦ Conscious co-parenting is when a co-parent consciously chooses awareness and attunement to their child’s needs first and collaborates as consciously and effectively as possible with their co-parent to raise their child with a secure connection in mind.
◦ Conscious co-parenting supports putting aside all past grievances in order to focus on the main goal, which is to raise a healthy child who is securely attached to both parents.
◦ A co-parenting consultation for this family would be ideal and the following would be addressed.
TASK #1: The 4 S’s applied to Co-parenting
Safe: The experience of being safe takes place for a child on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level.
Secure: Availability isn’t always physical presence, but children need both physical presence and emotional presence in order to experience secure connections with their parents
Seen: Conscious co-parenting allows your child to be seen by both parents because the time your child receives from both parents stems from the intention to be present and available. When children feel seen, they feel understood.
Soothed: Our children’s ability to receive comfort when they are upset helps them move to a regulatory state.
- All 3 children need to feel securely attached to both children during this transition
- Stephanie’s acting out behavior with cutting needs to be addressed. She needs to learn more effective self-soothing skills. Refer for individual therapy with adjunct sessions with parents individually to show their support of their relationship with daughter and willingness to be emotionally available
- 12y/o Scott refusing to spend time with Dad needs to be addressed with a set visitation schedule where parents honor the time both have with each kid. An initial conversation with both parents showing a united front to Scott about time with both parents. Mom needs to model being positive about that time occurring rather than receiving the secondary gain of seeing the children upset with Dad.
- Nobody wins when children have disconnected relationships with their parents.
- 7y/o Sally needs to feel more seen. Time with their children is that opportunity for quality connection. Parents need to make a conscientious effort to really be present with her and play with her. A referral to a developmental pediatrician if she is not picking up on social cues to rule out spectrum disorder and further resources.
- Children can get lost in the shuffle during a divorce the more time spent with each of the children will help with not losing sight of the children’s needs.
Task #2 Manage Your Emotions
Be willing to process your own issues and manage your own emotions in order to be a secure connector for your child
◦ Greatest detriment to fostering secure connection: the child experiencing the parent being too dismissive or too intrusive
◦ Acknowledge your child’s pain and needs – Attunement through thought empathy & feeling empathy
◦ Emotional attunement is vital in teaching your child how to be in touch with his own emotions and for your child to learn how to speak up and share feelings
◦ Mom projecting her anger onto the children would need to be addressed so the kids do not feel caught in the middle
◦ Dad has been dismissive of the children’s feelings about the divorce and how they are processing their feelings. Dad needs to learn how to emotionally attune to the needs of his children and the majority of his time with his children needs to be attuning to their needs.
TASK #3 Foster Mutual Respect
◦ Respect shared time
◦ Practice gratitude
◦ Practice kindness and politeness
◦ There are always going to be the two people that are most important to the kids are mom and dad – remember this
Task#4 Conscious Co-parents Function as a Team
◦ Skill 1: Trust your co-parent’s ability to make decisions for your child
◦ Skill 2: Handle Conflict Well
◦ Skill 3: Commit to both being a part of your child’s life
◦ Skill 4: Are accountable to one another for their parental commitments.
◦ Skill 5: Pay attention to the results of their parenting efforts with one another.
Effective Co-parenting Strategies Workshop PP.pptx